First post of 2013 and it is already March. I actually wrote an entry about my thoughts on 2012 on January, but I haven't posted it yet. I don't know if you guys are still interested to know- i might still post it though. Anyways, as usual, I had been extremely busy with school. I know some would say it's just an "excuse" not to attend social gatherings but really, the amount of projects that were given for my foundation year were just insane. Despite that, I did feel tempted to write, again and again.
Some days I would feel like I am losing my mind. It gets really exhausting, you know? Constantly battling with my emotions, the standards that I have set myself and the values that i hold in life, to be liked and accepted in school, especially the lecturers because they are the ones who will grade us at the end of the day. Honestly i think I do fit in- not saying this in a boastful manner- but I have always hated the politics. It's always going around and you can't trust anyone. That's reason why i don't choose to socialise much- also the reason why many thought I was actually... arrogant. I don't blame them for not taking the time to get to know me personally and choose to be judgemental instead. I am to be blamed for not taking the effort to have casual conversations with people in school. No one but myself. My negativity. My pessimistic tendencies.
At times I don't know how to deal with the rejection of my art work which I have put in so much time and energy. I would be shaken to my core, finding myself being challenged internally, mentally, emotionally. For most people that I know of, they would usually say, "No I don't care about what they think. This is my art work. Not theirs." I do say that at times because some lecturers are just bias in some ways or another, but who i am kidding? Honestly, i DO care because in the future, you have to make a living and if you're in the art industry, it IS about impressing your clients. Nevertheless, I do work hard to pick myself up and find that silver lining.
I know, overtly aware, I had been whining like a spoiled brat for the past few weeks because I couldn't keep up. I do give thanks to people who have listened to me. Suffice to say, term 3 is over and I can have my long rest now. Things that have happened in my life- not only school- make me realize how extremely sheltered my life really is, truly is.
I will definitely miss my foundation year. Thank you, VSN1/2A peeps;)
♡ ♡ ♡
Nadiah Latiff
