Some days I would feel like I am losing my mind. It gets really exhausting, you know? Constantly battling with my emotions, the standards that I have set myself and the values that i hold in life, to be liked and accepted in school, especially the lecturers because they are the ones who will grade us at the end of the day. Honestly i think I do fit in- not saying this in a boastful manner- but I have always hated the politics. It's always going around and you can't trust anyone. That's reason why i don't choose to socialise much- also the reason why many thought I was actually... arrogant. I don't blame them for not taking the time to get to know me personally and choose to be judgemental instead. I am to be blamed for not taking the effort to have casual conversations with people in school. No one but myself. My negativity. My pessimistic tendencies.
At times I don't know how to deal with the rejection of my art work which I have put in so much time and energy. I would be shaken to my core, finding myself being challenged internally, mentally, emotionally. For most people that I know of, they would usually say, "No I don't care about what they think. This is my art work. Not theirs." I do say that at times because some lecturers are just bias in some ways or another, but who i am kidding? Honestly, i DO care because in the future, you have to make a living and if you're in the art industry, it IS about impressing your clients. Nevertheless, I do work hard to pick myself up and find that silver lining.
I know, overtly aware, I had been whining like a spoiled brat for the past few weeks because I couldn't keep up. I do give thanks to people who have listened to me. Suffice to say, term 3 is over and I can have my long rest now. Things that have happened in my life- not only school- make me realize how extremely sheltered my life really is, truly is.
I will definitely miss my foundation year. Thank you, VSN1/2A peeps;)
♡ ♡ ♡
Nadiah Latiff
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