Rule #43: God will only give us obstacles that we are able to cross.

I’ve made peace with being such a mercurial being… one moment I’m filled with delight as my energy rises with wide open joy surging through me like as if I’m ready to take on 10 new things....Suddenly I find myself exhausted, frustrated, cranky and don’t want to be bothered by anybody or just about anything that bugs me. I do have weeks when things can even out a bit, but mostly I surge up and down which I’m pretty okay with the rollercoaster ride. I’m not emotionally unstable; I would rather say I’m temperamental. I seem to be so easily affected by the energy that surrounds me. The people, the weather, the clothes I wear all have a profound affect. I actually like to feel everything but sometimes I’m not so good at letting the moods just wash through me, so I pitch a fit.

You know… I often ask myself if I am really too nice like what my friends said. I've always been told that I have a high tolerance level - particularly when it comes to people. Perhaps there's really some truth in that observation. I couldn't help but wonder - am I constantly being taken for granted? People always take advantage of my kindness and good nature. I am beginning to think that they have mistakenly misjudged my silence for approval, and my calm disposition as an endorsement of their selfishness. Perhaps because I have always held back my stinging opinions so that I don't hurt the people I care about, they naturally assume their self-serving actions and decisions will not bother me one bit. How wrong can they be.

I have always lived my life for others, and allowed them to make me feel guilty for doing otherwise, even till today. Many times, I have wanted to shed that selfless facade, that all forgiving nature, and scream my lungs out. I want to lash out at all those who have hurt me, and be that selfish bitch who cares only for herself. But I don’t retaliate because it isn’t in my nature. Instead, I try to be the “bigger person” when actually a piece of me is dying, that piece that allowed itself to be destroyed by someone else.........
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This are the pictures taken with my fish eye lens, on 1st of december. A good start of the month, I must say. Finally I had Strictly pancakes with my dear friends and a good chill out by the bay ;) More photos @ Erin Vanova's facebook!