I will write for myself, to alleviate the apprehension in the depth of my soul.
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Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Rule #57: Anyone can love a rose but it takes a great deal to love a leaf. It’s ordinary to love the beautiful, but beautiful to love the ordinary.

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I don’t believe in a lot of the adat Melayu (Malay culture/custom/tradition) and therefore don’t bother to practice them much- I do what I know are along the Islamic lines and still learning, that is enough, thank you-, which clearly means I cannot really seem to conform to what I actually am and will always be looked sardonically at those who no matter how supposedly modernized they are, still remember who they putatively should be.

It’s not that I’m against my own race; it’s just that I don’t have a serious stand on it. I really can’t figure out if it’s the lack of interest from the start or is the ‘malay society’ today just grossed me out that made me lose my interest. Don't get me started about the Malay language itself :/

Whatever it is, I often think of being race-less. Wait, does this even makes sense?

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I don’t like going to malay wedding ceremonies. I cringe every time I’m told to follow my parents and I cringe when I have to choose my own baju kurung and cringed still while picking the “right shoes” – the only time I’m so tempted to just wear slippers, without fail – and cringe in the car on the way to the reception hall and cringe, cringe, cringe through the entire event.

Last sunday was different. The only time I winced was waking up at 7 in the morning. Other than that, I felt relaxed. I went with the flow without complaining at all and I’ve realised the whole event was so….atypical.

Witnessing my cousin’s solemnization in a mosque made me think of my own future. I want mine in the mosque too, except, more people definitely! I wonder a lot about the man whom God wants me to marry. I’m not too young to think about this, am i? Have I met him yet? Is he going to be religious the way I want him to? Is he going to lead me to the righteous path?

I’ve been told that the Girl whom my cousin was marrying is very pious; the Girl normally wears black robe and the selendang (I don’t know what exactly it is called) that covers her whole face except her eyes. Her friends who attended wore like that and I always find these people are the most beautiful ladies on Earth. And then I wonder…when am I going to don the hijab?

I didn’t quite understand why they made it difficult for us though, like initially the girl’s mother wanted the solemnization to be a closed thing where the men could only watch (which meant the ladies had to wait at the back behind the curtains or something like that). And they didn’t want any photos to be taken. But all these failed to happen because many of us were not informed earlier. I didn’t mind that the reception hall was super silent because they didn’t want any songs to be played- Have i mentioned that i accidentally fell asleep while waiting for the food to be ready? Yep. The thing is, the men and women who attended had to be separated! (Since it was held in the CC, they had two different halls!) I understand why they wanted it that way in the context of Islam but…could you just imagine if you were to come with your husband/wife just the two of you? And...you had to eat… alone? :|

Nevertheless, I am happy for him! I still remember who he was when I dated a 21-year old guy two years ago which happened to be his best friend. Who he was back then and who he is today, the change is so great. And then, I question myself, when am I going to repent?

May Allah s.w.t bless you and happily unite the two of you. Amin.


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