I tend to get greatly attached to people emotionally. Then, it is as if I subconsciously allow them to take control of my entire emotional system. With their happiness comes mine. When they’re in pain, I feel their pain. Anything negative, I can feel it too or even more.
Some people, like me, measure our self-worth with how well we are able to help our loved ones through a problem, how hard we make them laugh, how successfully we can change their mindset for themselves to become better, how fast we are able to reach to them when they need us, etc. And no matter how sincere we are in doing all these for them, there’s always a slight hope in us that they would acknowledge our efforts. When they don’t, or worse, they treat us like a piece of crap in return, we would still take it all in even though it’s apparent to us that we don’t deserve it. Our good intentions are often misunderstood but because of the love that we feel strongly towards them, we swallow all the harsh comments/opinions about us until our brains start believing they are true. That’s when every bad treatment we receive, we would be thinking “Yeah, maybe I do deserve it afterall,” due to our countless failed attempts to make the ones we love happy. We belittle our self-worth to a point where we would even question ‘why’ each time someone does something nice for us.
As much as I hate to admit this, I used to think that I was worthless. Some people that I loved made me feel that I wasn’t “good enough”. I didn’t satisfy their needs/desires the way they wanted me to and people had high expectations of me that I just couldn’t stand the thought of disappointing anyone dear in my heart. Call me ‘compulsive people pleaser’ or whatever. God knows how I was so hard on myself. I always had people telling me I deserved better but I never believed them since I trusted the opinions from my loved ones better. There was a period of time I couldn’t even look in the mirror without thinking of something mean to say. Then I started realizing… that’s just my mentality. It was purely my own choice to feel that way and there’s no one else to blame but myself. I know if this goes on, it's definitely going to affect my future relationships.
The thing is, you gotta stop making your self-worth conditional on other people. Never give other people's opinions so much power over you. Because in this cruel world we’re living in, there will always be arrogant people who act like assholes towards you no matter how good you are. What you do for your loved ones is irreplaceable, although they may consistently make you feel easily replaceable. If your love is true, don’t let that deter you from always being there for them just because they don’t acknowledge your efforts. Change one thing though; Love yourself as much as you love everyone else. God didn’t put you here to carry all of the weight of the world so don’t dwell too much on the bad stuffs.
This might sound cliche but when they say happiness is a choice, it’s really true! When I was younger I didn't quite understand. I have come to believe that one’s attitude in life is very important in ALL circumstances. It’s really how you think, how you perceive things and how you carry on with your life that will make or break your heart or your humanity. At the end of the day, remember the angels are recording your deeds! God not only will recognize the good you do, but He will show His appreciation in the best form of all. So just continue to be the best you can be! :)
♡ ♡ ♡
Nadiah Latiff
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