I will write for myself, to alleviate the apprehension in the depth of my soul.
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Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Rule #64: Beauty is a light in the heart.

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“It’s easy to win a girl’s heart. But to sustain the love for a girl day by day is hard. It's a challenge,” Someone said after he dedicated a song for me called I won't give up by Jason Mraz during a live acoustic duo at The Jewel Box’s Sapphire restaurant bar. “And I love challenges,”

Our eyes met and all I could do was smile. I was shy- that was a moment which really tugged at my heartstrings. He treated me like his heart’s greatest desire. I felt so special that I wish I could bottle and save and cherish the way he looked at me with his triumphant smile and eyes overflowing with gratitude.

It’s no secret that I am hopeless romantic myself- an idealist, one who is a lover of love, a sentimentalist at heart, who believes in chivalry and unconditional love- but sometimes I have one of those ‘reality checks’ whereby I feel like I am not worthy enough to feel the incredible amount of love he always showers me with. Indeed, it is a blessing, to be loved by a wonderful guy who puts God first before anyone else, but I felt undeserving with the fact that I’m not able to give him my best and I have nothing to offer to him.

“I just want your sincerity in loving me,” He leaned forward and his face was just a few centimetres apart from mine, gazing tenderly into my eyes. “Nothing else,”

I smiled reassuringly at him with nothing being said. Inside I pondered to myself, will that ever be enough for him in a few years down the road? Is he going to expect anything else which has been left unsaid? Is that all it really takes to make him happy?

“You know, I love you,” He cooed softly in my ear, wrapping his arms around and enveloping me in a loving embrace. “I love you so much.”

Those words echoed into my mind and I felt my timid heart raced. Deep down, I could still feel a little pang in a small portion of my heart. It has been aching silently but I could not decipher whether it’s sadness or guilt. No one could ever understand this heart ache that I am feeling except for The One above- no matter how much I try to explain. But that's okay. At the end of the day, I am still happy if he is and that is all that matters to me most. xx



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