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I was flipping through Cleo magazine June issue and saw an article written by Julia Gaynor.
“The thing about the phrase I Love You is that it’s a loaded gun and if you’re not careful, it can blow up in your face. Once the “L” word is dropped into the conversation, there is no turning back.”
One time, a guy told me he loved me on our third date. He started talking about how determined he was to make me happy and work things out between us because to him, what we had was something “extraordinary.” We only had movies and dinners though? I was freaking out in my heart that I felt claustrophobic when he started holding my face with his two palms as he poured out his feelings and I just stood there blinking my eyes all speechless!
There was also a guy whom I went out with for a week and he would say “I love you” like ten times a day. No matter how much I told him to take things slow, he was so ascertained that he wanted to marry me in the future. I heard it so often that “I love you too” almost slipped out but I was more like, “I lov- urm, no, nothing,” I didn’t have the intention to hurt him on purpose but that was really the truth. He would talk about how willing he was to wait for the day that I would finally say the three words back to him.
Of course, all these were sweet and thoughtful. But it is highly unlikely they were in love with the real me. I mean, come on? How can you fall in love with someone you just met? You can’t go around telling every person that comes in to your life that you love them. I believe that saying ‘I love you’ too much makes the phrase itself invaluable and it will lose its magic after a while. One thing I noticed, people tend to rush into relationships because they’re afraid that their “chance” might go away if they’re not quick enough to win the girl’s heart. Well whatever it is, in my opinion, until one has met and spent considerable time together, he can only believe he is in love with the person he thinks me to be.
So, what happened to all these guys who claimed they loved me? They started making issues with how I live my life. Like having many guyfriends, going out after midnight, not learning how to cook, etc. They started getting jealous and making things a big deal even though I didn’t agree to commit in a relationship or anything like that. When things turned really ugly and I decided not to continue contacting, they felt that I have “used” them or “took advantage” although I never asked them to do anything for me. Doesn’t make sense to tell people you love them and end up hating them some time after because they’re not the person you thought they were. So much for “accepting” me for who I am, right?
Love should be an evolving feeling that grows inside, when the right person and right timing comes along, than by all means you should express the way you feel. I know we’re all running out of time, but there’s no need to rush things. If it’s meant to be, it will be, eventually. I also learned that the words can be uttered when you are feeling connectedness, fondness or infatuation, but not true love. You have to know someone to feel that depth of emotion.
“Sometimes, you’re afraid to say them because you think they will break the spell, as if the words will diminish the intensity of unspoken emotions.” That’s true, as well. I’m convinced that once you say them, things will definitely change afterwards. For the better or for worse. It’s whether or not you’re willing to risk it. “So perhaps the big question isn’t when to tell him you love him, but when to let him go when he still can’t say, show, or feel it.”
♡ ♡ ♡
Nadiah Latiff
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